'The Thing' for you

You know,  I had 'a thing' for you. I don't really understand how you missed it. But, I am sure I have always had 'a thing' for you.

Yes, it might be hard to believe. But I did have it. I am positive. What else do you call all the extra attention I gave you ? Do you really think I would do things I did for you, for anyone just like that ? No, I am not such a noble soul. Did you know ever wonder why I was being so obviously soft on you when you screwed things over? When the whole world was against you, I stood by you. Even when you pushed me away from your side, I was there. Hanging around the edges. Waiting for you to see 'the thing' and let me back in. Even now, when you have literally started a new chapter in your life, I am still here, exactly where you left me. Hanging on a cliff by a thread, still having 'a thing' for you.

Totally Numb

There is a saying 'Don't push a person so much that they no longer care'. Yes, I think that has happened to me. I no longer give a f***. There are pretty serious things happening to me, around me and in my life and I have got this laid back attitude. I don't know if this is a good or a bad thing. Nothing seems to get to me these days. Its like I am sitting in an easy chair and just watch myself plow through days. 

Yes, I was in a bad situation when I first started getting this feeling. But now, things have improved. In fact, things are great now. But still, I am not able to get myself feel things. Yes, that's it. I have gone numb. Totally numb. 

Liebster Award

Thanks Shanx for nominating me for this award. I have never done an award post before. But yes, things have to change. Shanx blogs at Embark With My Thoughts. I am really a big fan of the small fiction stories that he writes. They are quite poignant. Do check out his blog. 

Here are my answers:

1. One crazy serious moment that you laughed out loud at (a serious and dense atmosphere )

I had slogged for hours on a particular project at work. We finally completed it and there was mailer thanking all the hard work we put in and they missed my name. I come to office and I see my colleagues gazing at me quite seriously. When I heard what happened, my first reaction was to laugh out loud. I couldn't believe my bad luck. That pretty much settled the situation. (It is another story how I ended up in a corner later, not so happy )

2. The most notorious thing you did in your school days (embarrassing will work too if you’re fine :D )

I was always the ideal student at school. So nothing much there.

3. One movie/book/story that you really loved and the reason (doesn’t have to be romantic. If it’s horror then better)

Movie : The exorcism of Emily Rose - Being the late night owl, I had the habit of watching horror movies alone in my room. Now, I was there watching this particular movie and to anyone who have watched the movie, I do not have to explain the significance of 3 00 AM. It was one scary movie. But what was scarier was the time I finished watching it. 3 AM. I was petrified and I clearly remember every sound getting amplified in my head.

Book : I love reading. So picking a book is difficult. But I can write about the most recent book I read. 'Losing my religion' by Viswas Mudgal. I really loved this book because I had a bunch of friends who had gone through a similar experience (not all the entrepreneur stuff, but the other ones). So I really connected with this book and I could not stop talking about this for sometime. I even made one of them buy the book and read it.

4. How many times or days/moments or did you live any, were you totally survived on your friends money and stuff (obviously looting it all away because it’s yours)

No. I am always cautious about my financials.

5. A place that’s not famous in your city but you would want to go there at any point of time because it’s your favorite (shouldn’t be famous I say)

There is a small restaurant 'Liquid' near my home which serves the best maggi ever. I have really made it my thing to take anyone and everyone who visits me there. Chocolate room also features in the list. I have been there with all my favorite people.

6. Which super hero fan were you in childhood and how did you try to imitate them?(ever tried rotating in circles like ShaktiMaan ;) )

Ha, Got me there :) We had only doordharshan at home when I was a kid. So yes, ShakiMaan it is. But, never tried imitating him though. Always took his instructions of 'do not imitate this at home' quite seriously.

7. What would you do if you had money like Uncle Scrooge (no, I am not giving it to you. You’ve to imagine it)

I know it sounds a little cliche. But I would really start an NGO and try to help women and old people. Having lost my grandparents, I cannot see old people on the street. My heart goes out to them.

8. Reason you love your blog

Well, I started my blog when I was in college and it has seen my transformation from a naive, idealistic college girl to a hopefully more mature woman. It has been my venting place during all the emotional turmoils.

9. A place if you were allowed to visit immediately. What would it be? (write the first one that comes to your mind in a second)

Europe. I was at Germany for an internship during college and would really love to go back.

10. What’s your favorite food that you can’t help but eat at anytime and wouldn’t mind going lengths just to taste it.

I am a big foodie. So anything and everything. But my greatest weakness is dark chocolate. I just cannot resist it.

11. Love Rain? Love reading? (write about one awesome crazy moment about rain and reading if no to rain. If you love rain and reading plus writing, we’re already friends then :P )

Reading and Rain. We are definitely friends. I have already written so much about rain. But yes, I had the most craziest moment in rain very recently when couple of friends and me were caught in the middle of a heavy downpour. After waiting for an hour under a small roof for the raining to subside, we got tired and ran to the tea stall in the rain to grab a cup of chai. Well, after we got wet once, it was full on fun. Jumping into puddles in pouring rain, trying to navigate knee high water in a scooty, getting lost in the rain, I did it all on that day.

My Almost Home

Chennai. Well, what can I say about it ? May be if time had a rewind button, I will go back to a time when I had a two hour argument with my colleagues on all the good things one can find in Chennai and record it for prosperity.

Chennai had always held a special place in my heart as it had been my summer haunt during my childhood. I had the cliche vacation time where I was packed off to my grandmother's place the day my holidays started. Only for me, it was not the cliched trip to the village considering the fact that I was living in an almost village town. My summer vacations were in the city. A city where I will arrive every summer religiously to soak in the glory of my grandmother's love. A city where my grandmother was not afraid to send her young grand-daughter to buy milk and chocolates in the shop next lane. All good things come to an end and did my summer vacations in the city when my grandmother moved to a different place.

My second chance with the city happened when I did my Engineering here, from one of the most prestigious colleges in the heart of the city. I completely loved the freedom and I still remember the adventure I had in my first solo trip to hometown. Thinking about it now, I guess Chennai has really been my theme since college. My communications seminar was on Singara Chennai. One of my projects was based on the notoriously famous Coovum River. We had walked across the city along the river collecting water samples. Window Shopping at T-Nagar was my favorite stress buster and I discovered my craze about earrings there. My friends used to have a hard time, trying to get me back to focus on the streets.

Call it fate or destiny, my last minute career decisions led me back to Chennai when I was all set to move to Delhi. The past two years have been quite a ride. Many a time, I have turned to the beaches to sooth my silent rants and rages. I discovered the 'foodie' in me through the restaurants the city has to offer.

Having been in the city for six years now, I can call it my almost home. On its 375th Birthday, all I can say that this city is the Best. It will always remain my Singara Chennai. Or rather 'Sennaaii' as one of my friends calls it. 

At Your Worst...

As they stood outside the shop peering down at the crowd mulling around the mall, she looked lost. He knew the reason but dared not to ask. She let out a soft sigh and asked 'So, I have heard all your stories. Now, come on, tell me about the worst thing you have ever done until now!' He was prepared. He knew she was an old soul. Someone who reflected a lot on life. He half smiled and said 'Perhaps, some things are better left unsaid'.

She sighed again. She had wanted to know his worst so that she will have something to hate about him when he left. He was going away tomorrow and still she was not able to accept the fact. He had been her companion for the past three months, always ready with a story to share. She was a good listener and he had very tall tales to tell. He contradicted himself in his tales sometimes which she never pointed out. She loved the teller more than the tales and hence had let it be. She had gotten used to his voice by now and to think that he will not be around from tomorrow caused her immense pain.

He saw her sigh and kicked himself mentally once again. He knew what his worst deed was. It was what he had done to her. He had knowingly let her fall for him. He had been curious about her. She had been everyone's darling. Always nice to people, always eager to help anyone who asked for it.  She looked perfect from outside. He was sure no one could be that perfect.  He had wanted to know if all that was real. And as always, he was right. He found out that she was what she was, not because she was perfect, but because she was damaged once and had managed to keep it together. She had become nice and caring because people had been rude and crass to her. Though he had his answer, he had been reluctant to let go of her. So he had continued with her, knowing it will all end when he had to leave. Their path went in different directions and both of them were too ambitious to let go of their paths. But what he had not anticipated was the feelings he developed. He had grown close to her and to think she will not be around from tomorrow caused him immense pain.

'Okay then. Bye ! Have a great life ahead' She said as she shook his hand with a heavy heart. 'You too' He said while all he wanted to stop those tears that he could already see welling up in her beautiful eyes. He turned away quickly and walked without looking back while she stood rooted to the spot, her eyes following him until her eyes became clouded with tears and he was out of sight.

P.S.: This post is a part of The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014

Pages

As he turned the pages with his frail arms to show her their wedding picture, he remembered the times when he had a stronger grip. He remembered how he had not let go of their final handshake when he left to US and instead, had pulled her close and whispered 'I love you' in her ears. He had ended up with a very wet shirt and a very happy heart as she always cried when she was happy. He looked up to see the same beautiful eyes, gaze back at him with a question. He brought the diary with him during his daily visit with a hope that his love will somehow win over her Alzheimer's.

P.S. This post is written for Lillie McFerrin Writes - Fiver Sentences Fiction - Pages.

Restless

She could feel it in her. The incessant running that was happening inside her. She could not stop it. Like a bee buzzing, her mind was always on the run. She had assumed it will stop in time. But she was wrong. She was close to losing her sanity. A rainy day had opened her pandora box of memories and she was struggling to close the boxes again. Her thoughts in the dark hour were running wild and she could see where it was heading. She wondered how she would react if she saw him now. Will she run and hug him tight or will she say a nonchalant 'Hi' like she always did ? What would be his reply? She knew she must not have any expectations. After all, he was clearly non-committal from the beginning. They say the worst kind of love is the unspoken one and now she knew why. As she sat in her broken glass house, she remembered all the good things that had happened there and decided to forget the bad ones and move on. After all, he had taught her life is fun and it goes on no matter what happens.

P.S.: I have taken up The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014 and this post is a part of the same. I have tried something in the post here. Let me know if you can figure out what it is. 

Expectations

Expectations are the root cause for all misery. There is no greater truth than this. When we don't expect anything, every little gesture by someone seems magical. But as we get used to the gestures, we start expecting them and when they change for whatever reasons they might, we end up being miserable. It has been the lesson life has been trying to teach me the past few months. I have been on both the sides, expecting and not expecting, switching sides as my mood swung from one end of the spectrum to the other. I haven't learnt the lesson yet. Like an addict, I always seem to lapse back. 

I think it's time to let go of all expectations and be happy(read denial mode) for while ! 

P.S.: This post is a part of The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014.

Thoughts in the Dark Hours

She was frantic. She knew it was happening again. She was turning into an insomniac yet again. She tried hard to sleep. She knew dark thoughts haunted her in the dark hours. She remembered all the heartbreaks and the sleepless nights she spent, thinking how to mend her broken heart. She always found a way to stitch it back. She knew she was paying the price for being an emotional fool in this ruthless world. But, she had never let it get to her and change who she was. She was not going to let that happen, ever.

After hours of sleepless tosses and turns, she realized it. She knew exactly why she was feeling this way. She had let someone get close. Too close for her own good. She knew she will feel the void soon. But she had hope. Hope that soon something will happen which will fill the void. Last time, it was party and fun. The time before that, it was long hours at work. She wondered what it will be this time around.

P.S.: This post is a part of The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014

A Rainy Day

As she sat near her window looking at the rain, her thoughts went back to the time when she was with him. Those were the most beautiful days of her life. She had the most amazing time with him. Though they existed as two different entities, she somehow felt that their souls connected at the most basic level. It is very difficult to find a person who can complete the sentence for you, but it is more difficult to find a person who can understand what is running through your mind even when you don't say a word. She had found one. She remembered how they used to be crazy about rain and will go on long drives whenever it rained. She remembered the long conversations they had, sitting inside the car, stranded and waiting for the rain to let up.

It has been years since they last spoke. He had met someone who was the one for him. He had been absolutely crazy about that girl. As it always happens, the girl could not bear the sight of her and had told her that she will not commit to him unless they separate. She had seen him go downhill with rejection and depression. Unable to bear the pain he went through, she decided it was time she left his life. She had moved on to another city and pushed him out of her life.

After years of staying away, she was back in the city, at her home, sitting by the window and reminiscing about the old days. She had met people in the years that went by but never found the connection again. The city and the rain made yearn for it now. On a whim, she dialed his number. She was not even sure if he had the same number. After two rings, he picked up and said 'Hello'. She had a smile playing on her lips as she said 'Care to drop by ? Its raining'. And so it began again with a lifetime of stories to share.

P.S.: This post is a part of The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014. 

From a Recovering Workaholic

I was talking to a friend few days ago and he was inquiring me about my whereabouts for the past year. All I could say was I am a recovering workaholic and you will from me more often. And yes, that is what I am. A recovering workaholic. It doesn't sound so bad now. But believe me, when you are fresh out of college and you turn into one, then you are doomed for life. 

Since almost two years, I have been a workaholic. A person who gets high on work. But yes, I was happy. There was never a moment at office when I stayed against my wishes. I was one eager naive girl who was always inquisitive and working. Once in a while, I had strange conversations with my managers. Normally, the topic would be 'burn out'. They were concerned that I will burn out soon. I even had one meeting with my manager where he was telling that this was his first experience of trying to make someone understand that they needed to work a little less for their own good.

Now, when I think of it, I feel it was completely unnecessary. There are hundreds of things that are out there, waiting to be explored. New hobbies to take up, new eateries to hang out, new horizons to be explored. Yet, I was at office, spending all my time cooped up, in front of a computer. Thanks  to some wonderful people I met, I have now realized the importance of trying out things other than work and yes, thanks to them, I am now a recovering workaholic :)

P.S.: I decided to take a break from fiction and write something light. This post is a part of The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014

The Broken Glass House

He had done everything he could to stop. Stop loving her so much. Stop from hurting her time and again. He had once even tried to push her out of his life. It ended in vain. She was still there in his life, all flesh and blood. No matter how much he tried to stay detached, she almost always managed to elicit a reaction from him. He knew he was wrong for her. He was a misanthrope, a misogynist who could not complete a sentence without sarcasm. Normal people stayed away from him. But then,  that was normal people. She was an idealistic girl who believed in the goodness of people. She believed in being nice and karma doing rounds. He knew he was bad for her. Things were not what it seemed to be. He sometimes felt she lived in a glass house and hence was afraid to throw stones at others. He did not want to be the one to break the glass. Yet, he had. As he saw her sitting by the balcony drunk and high, he knew he had been the one to shatter it and suck her into his darkness. He had been curious and wanted to know the truth. Now, all he could do was wait and watch her until she went to sleep.

P.S.: This post is a part of  The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014 

Boxes

People have a fetish for boxes. Everyone try to wrap their thoughts, actions and relationships in a box and label them. Unlabeled boxes are frowned upon by this society. It always tries to cram these boxes into different labels and when they do not fit in, they are looked down with contempt. Perhaps, it is the fear of unknown that causes such reactions.

She had been careful that such boxes did not exist in her life. Then, she met him. There were no sparks or lightning. Slowly, their acquaintance grew. And before she realized, it had morphed into one such unlabeled boxes. She could not name it. She never thought she will be able to fit their relationship in a box and struggled with it. But when time came, he proved it was not the same for him. While she struggled with unanswered questions, he was away packing his boxes. He had neatly wrapped their relationship in a box and put it to sleep while she still wondered why she had even considered things resolved. He will always remain a big question mark to her for life.

P.S.: I have taken up The Write Tribe - Ultimate Blog Challenge - July 2014 and this post is a part of the same.

The Pink Nail Polish

He had always liked her pink nail polish. It made her look feminine in spite of the cold mask she wore. He had heard stories about how she cut through people's weakness mercilessly. People stayed out of her way. Yet, he was intrigued. He had a theory that women were generally born soft and remained so until someone screwed up in their life. He badly wanted to know who screwed up in hers.

She had scrubbed her nails on Sunday and found that she was out of pink nail polish on Monday morning. She had to give a presentation and had to rush with unpainted nails. In the evening, she found a bottle of pink nail polish with a note  - 'To My Pink Clawed Tigress'. Her eyes clouded and memories came flashing back.

She was cowering in terror in the corner as her father went on a rampage around the house, collecting everything pink and piling it up in the back yard. He had pulled apart her favorite doll while her mom stood near him, pleading him to stop. Her father gave a harsh sneer and lit up the pile. 'All she can do is wear a pink nail polish and dress up like this doll. This is why I wanted a son !'. His words hit her more than his actions.

Now fifteen years later, she ran her father's firm as tight as a ship. At 25, she was the youngest chairman of the board, yet the most feared. Her father had long passed away two years ago and she made it a point to wear a pink nail polish every day since she took over her father's firm.

She was furious. She knew exactly from whom the note was.


To be Continued.. 

To That Aquarius Guy

She had always thought she was the Safe Type. The one who always chose the safer side when given a choice. The side where she was well cocooned and protected. She was this typical Cancer girl. What else can one expect ? But then, she met him, the Aquarius guy. He was the opposite of what she was. Outgoing, the kind of guy to take the riskier side just for the heck of it. At least, he looked so from the outside. Slowly, she befriended him. She found him rather sweet and soft on the inside. With him, she felt free. She learnt to choose the riskier side because she knew he will be there to accompany her even if it turns out to be sour. She learnt what having fun is and though she did have her fun, she was always conscious enough to be by his side. She rediscovered herself with him.

She also felt a little protective. But again, it was in her nature to be so. She turned judgmental only to realize later that she was being too judgmental. It was killing her not to know about the Aquarius Guy but she ended up asking the wrong questions in the process. Or may be the right questions because she now knew him. She knew he was the guy who was always in control and knew to make the right choice most of the time. Her trust in him only increased. Now she knew she could trust him with her life.

So to that Aquarius Guy, sorry for being judgmental and a Big Thank You for all the fun. Cheers !

[12/365] Like moths to a flame

She did not know what drove her to him again and again. Like moths to a flame, she was drawn to him, her ultimate nemesis. No matter how many time he let her down and crushed her, she could not stop herself. She kept going back, to suffer a greater damage every single time. She wondered if she will ever get the strength to stay away. But then, she again wondered about the real question - Will she ever want to ?

[11/365] The Golden Glow

She had always been the shy one, the one who will stop in the middle of her sentence if someone interrupts and never insist on completing the unsaid words. She was used to being interrupted and not completing her words. Then, she met him. He had a golden glow around him. He was always there, ready to hear, waiting for her to complete her sentences, no matter how long it took. He was there to make others listen too. With him, she grew in confidence. Now, there was a golden glow around her too because he was around. Recognition came and the glow grew more beautiful. But one fine day, he complained she had become too golden for him to stay around. He left her, all alone on the pedestal to fight off his own demons. She stood there, trying hard to maintain the confidence and glow when all she wanted to do was to curl around herself in darkness and disappear. Yet, she continues to stand tall with the golden aura around her in the hope that one day, when he's finished with his demons, the glow will lead him back to her. 

[10/365] Sparks

She was sitting by the table, managing to look both detached and interested by Aman's animated description of what had happened in the client's meeting. He wondered how quickly she could wrap anyone around her finger and make them feel comfortable. He had once accused her of being articulate. She had just smiled, quite amused at the accusations. But then, he did not know that she saw the sparks fly between them every time they argued and always felt warmed by it,even beneath the cold mask she wore. 

P.S.: Written as a part of Lillie McFerrin Writes Five Sentence Fiction .

[9/365] The Fall

Once in a while, you meet a person and you feel a spark. You feel the intense chemistry at work. You can hear the bottles clinging and liquids boiling up a frenzy. You meet the person again. And again. And again. And in of those meetings, you get to know something that shows that you two can never be together. You can clearly see the pain its going to cause if you were to continue. You can clearly see the misery. A clever person will run in the opposite direction. Run far away so that you save yourself from the pain foretold. But sometimes, as a result of all "happy ending" movies you see and all the romantic novel you read, you take a chance. You take the fall. You chose to love unconditionally though you know it might never be returned. You think you are strong enough to continue loving and expect nothing in return. But what you forget is that if you decide to fall and not to get hurt, you need to make sure there is someone at the bottom looking out for you. Someone to catch you when you fall. And when you don't have him there, you are going to end up alone, broken, damaged and too cynical to take the fall again. 

[8/365] Water

He had tossed around words carelessly in his anger and left in a fury once again. She knew he would be back. He always was and she always took him back silently. Her love for him did not let her stay angry at him for long. She always forgave him before he asked and that, probably was her biggest fault. She thought about him once more. Her heart ached at his words.

He had said she was like water, taking the form of the container that held her. He had accused her of not standing up for him. He did not realize what made her so. She had once been a solid rock. But the pain he caused every time they disagreed and the words he spoke in his fury had slowly crushed her and she had just dissolved in her tears, becoming water.

P.S.: I know I missed first twenty days of the year. Nevertheless, Happy New Year.