She knew she was in love when she realized that the next sentence she wanted to utter is I am in love with you, no matter what question he asked. They were having a conversation so long and complete that in the end, she was just happy and content to stay silent. Then, there was the smile that refused to go away when she looked at him. She was pretty sure that he would be secretly wondering what a weirdo she was. She was arguing her way through his irrefutable logic a while back and all she could do now was to smile and nod. Well, that is what love did to her. It tore away the walls she had built around her heart and took away every single shred of caution with which she had protected it once, leaving her raw and needy.
She realized that she might never be able to say those words to him. She wondered if she should turn and run in the opposite direction or sit, talk and let her heart figure out alternate ways of showing it. There were agonizing moments she spent with him wondering if she should just break the news to him and see how he reacted. At least, she would have a closure that way. But then she thought about what would happen next. What if he refuses to be responsible for her heart and pushes it back to her ? Or worse, what if he stomps all over it ? How will she put the pieces back together the way it was. The truth, she realized is that she will not be able to. She will never be the same. She will become a little more cynical, learning to veil her pain in dry sarcasm and humor. The walls that broke down will reappear, only a little higher and tougher this time.
So what should she do now ? she wondered. She did not know he was trouble when he walked in. At least when he moved closer, she should have known. But now, it was too late. She was caught between the devil and the deep blue sea. She knew that there was nothing but pain waiting for her at the end. She decided she will worry about it tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day.
P.S. : I am trying to get back to writing after a while. Hopefully, I will be able to complete this series. Coming up next is 'His Thoughts'
